Perseverance is the Key... I think

I have fake confidence. I've been walking around masquerading my insecurities and fears pretending to be confident in the hope confidence will grow and hopefully overshadow my doubts. I wish I believed more in myself. I wish I could sit here and say "I can do it!" Really, I sit here and say "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."

I've always known that picking a diet and following it for six weeks wouldn't work... at least not for me. Mostly because six weeks would only get me a fraction of the way to where I need to be. But, I think if I can make it six weeks... then I make it another six weeks... and then another six weeks after that. Well, what happens if I screw up within those six weeks... what do I do? Normally I would give up. I would decide it's not worth... in reality what I'm deciding is I'm not worth it.

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." - Henry Ford

I'm slowly learning two things... 1. I AM worth it and 2. Perseverance is one of the most important aspects. Making a mistake isn't that big a deal... facing those obstacles and getting over them that is what is important. I need to keep my eye on the goal. When I face an obstacle, I need to remind myself that I can do this... perseverance is the key... keep on keeping on. And whatever other tacky phrases I can come up with.

"When the world says, 'Give up,'
Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.'"

~Author Unknown

So, in my attempt to persevere, I am setting little goals for myself to help me achieve the big goal. At WW they call this... well, I don't remember... building blocks maybe? I would look it up but all my stuff is at home and I am not.

I didn't even really realize it, but I was doing this. By tracking and journaling everything I eat, and then by meal planning. I've been setting and accomplishing little goals. My next little goal is to eat slower.

I eat fast. It's something I'm starting to realize more and more as I start to eat around other people more. I finish way ahead of everyone else, and usually make myself sick from eating too much. So, I'm going to slow down. Enjoy the food. Sip water. Enjoy the conversation around me. This is something I can do. Something that will help me reach the ultimate goal of weight loss.

All this being said, here is tomorrow's meal plan.

Breakfast-

Muffin-2

Yogurt Smoothie-2

NF Latte-2

Total-6

Pts Left-31

Snack-

Yogurt-1

Almonds-3

Total-4

Pts Left-28

Lunch-

Tortilla-3

Laughing cow light wedge-1

Ham-2

Celery-0

Cucumber-0

Bell Pepper-0

Fiber 1 yogurt-0

Total-6

Pts Left-22

Snack

Apple-2

Babybel light-1

Total-3

Pts Left-19

Dinner-

Chipotle Steak Burrito Bowl-14

Total-14

Pts Left-5

Snack-

Apple-2

Ginger Snaps-3

Total-5

Pts Left-0

Garfield: My Long Lost Cousin

A couple of months ago my friend said that I reminded him a lot of Garfield. He was responding to one of my status updates on Facebook. I believe it had something to with a status update... this one to be exact "Good Morning Quad Venti non-fat Sugar free vanilla mocha. How nice of you to join me this morning." His exact comment was "Sometimes, you sound like Garfield."
I have no problem with this. I love Garfield. He is the definition of cool. He just also happens to be fat and lazy. But hey, so am I.
Well, yesterday I got onto the scale (because I have this obsessive thing about weighing every morning... I know I know, you're not supposed to do that, but I do)and I lost my balance a little and heard a crack. Well, the display was still working... and it still showed that it was thinking, but when it came time to do display the weight, it kept flashing "Err". After the 5th time of trying, I got a vision of Garfield standing on the scale and the scale talking to him. So, I looked down at the scale and stuck out my tongue.
In the end, it really doesn't matter because I do go to my WW meeting to get weighed, I just don't like to be too surprised. If I'm going to go up I like to be prepared. Anyway, with all this being said, I start meal planning again this week. I actually did it everyday last week, but only posted two days here, because I didn't have time to post in the evenings.
Today I started kitty sitting for one of my moms coworkers. They have a stationary bicycle and I thought I would try to use it at least a little everyday. We'll see how it goes.
Anyway, meal plan for Monday, September 14th.

Breakfast

Apple Bran Muffin-2

Yogurt Smoothie-2

NF Latte-2

Total-6

Pts left-31

Snack

Yogurt-2

Berries-1

Total-3

Pts Left-28

Lunch

Tortilla-3

Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge-1

Ham-2

Veggies-0

Fiber 1 Yogurt-0

Total-6

Pts Left-22

Snack

Large Apple (very large)-3

Babybell Light Cheese-1

Total-4

Pts Left-18

So, I don't have dinner planned. I'm going to pick something up on the way home. I'm thinking of this pan asian place for dinner.. so maybe terriyaki with brown rice or some sort of noodles. We shall see.

Ok. I'm off to rot my brain in front of the tv. Vampire Diaries is on. :) I've been wanting to watch it.

At the End of the Day

I'm super tired today. I have to be honest, I'm feeling really defeated. The good news is, I did OK with my eating and sticking to my meal plan with a couple of exceptions. Instead of having a peach, I made mixed fruit. I forgot my almonds and my banana, and I added licorice. Which is OK. Oh... and I was a bit hungry after dinner, so I had a piece of bed with PB. So, I went over my points by two. In the end though, I still have 24 of my 35 extra weekly points left. So technically it fit in.
I made tomorrows meal plan on the train tonight on my way home. I was a bit distracted by the ADORABLE toddler in the seat ahead of me and his smiling and waving and showing off.
Anyway, I'm setting this meal plan into the cyber world knowing that probably no one will read it, but that's OK. I'll know it's here.

Breakfast
Toast-2
Egg-2
Cheese-1
Latte-2

Total-7
Pts Left-30

Snack-
Mixed fruit-2
Yogurt-2

Total-4
Pts Left-26

Lunch
Sandwich-5
Banana-2
Veggies-0
Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge-1

Total-9
Pts Left-18

Snack-
Almonds-3

Total- 3
Pts left-15

Dinner-
Grilled Chicken Breast-3
Stuffing -4
Salad w/dressing-2

Total-9
Pts Left-4

Well, I have super cold toes, so I'm heading to bed. Type at ya later.

For the Love of Stardust

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

I love Stardust. I really do. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it is pretty much my favorite movie. (I mean, really, where else are you going to see Robert De Niro as a cross dressing pirate?)

This movie (and book.. such a good book) is really about learning that what we want isn't always what is best for us. This is a concept I am learning in great bounds lately.

We can love someone who will make us jump through hoops to earn their love all the while the one that we truly desire and deserve is right in front of us, not asking for anything other than our love.

We can spend out lifetime trying to make a fortune and store up treasure, an din the end, we might be rich beyond comprehension, but we are alone.

There is so much more to say about this. Probably more than I even have time to talk about so I will end this here.

I really can't recommend this book and movie enough.

Monday Confession

I'm lazy. I really am. I meant to go through my whole work week (a short week...yay!) and create a meal plan for everyday. I only got through tomorrow. But at least I got through it. To be honest, breakfast and lunch probably won't vary too much throughout the week, so it's a start.
Anyway, here is my meal plan for Tuesday, September 8th. I get 37 points a day. I need to get in 5 fruits/veggies, 2 lean protein, 2 milk/dairy, 2 healthy oils (sometimes I use nuts for this)

Breakfast-
Latte-2
Granola-3
Yogurt-2
Peach-1

Total Pts-8
Total Pts Left-29
I also used my two milk requirements, a whole grain (rolled oats in the granola)and a fruit

Snack-
Almonds-3

Total Pts- 3
Total Pts Left-26
Used 1 healthy oil

Lunch-
Whole Grain Wrap-3
Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge-1
Ham-2
Veggies-0
Banana-2
Fiber 1 yogurt-0

Total Pts-8
Total Pts left-18
Used 2 veggies (hoping to get in two veggies, probably mini peppers and celery) 2 fruits (a banana counts as 2), Lean protein

Snack-
Almonds-3 (i don't usually do the same snack twice, but I have these little snack bags of almonds so I'm using half in the morning and half in the afternoon).

Total Pts-3
Total Pts left-15
One healthy oil used

After Work Snack-
McD's Ice cream cone-3 pts

Total pts-3
Total pts left-12

Dinner-
Chili Taco Soup-6
(my recipe, leftovers)

Total pts-6
Total pts left-6

This leaves me with a 6 point leeway in the day to work with...

I have to be honest...

... I'm forcing myself to write this right now. I made a decision to write a blog once a day through the end of the month. I missed the first few days. In my honest state of mind, I have to say this probably won't last very long. But I'm going to try.
I don't have my meal plan yet. I am going to work on it tomorrow morning. I'm hoping it will force me to get out of bed since today I just wanted to h

And I leave you with this...

When it Doesn't Turn Out

So, I decided I was going to make these wonderfully delicious looking bars for breakfast next week. I made a double batch so I could share with the 'rents. However, I didn't have toasted wheat germ. I had wheat bran. And flax seed meal. I got them put together and in the oven. I figured out the points value (three by the way). I let them sit for 3 hours. I started to cut them, and they fell apart.
So, long story short, I now have realy delicious granola to eat with yogurt for breakfast this week. Jealous? You should be.
Anyway, I'm not quite sure what happened. I think most likely I didn't press them into the pan enough. It could have also been the substitutions or maybe not enough honey? I ran out of honey and used brown sugar for the rest. Oh well. :)
Also, just so all of you wonderful people know... Ingrid Michaelson's new album Everybody is amazingly wonderful.

An Idea

Dear Friends,
“I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation.
I pretend that we’re the oldest and dearest friends– as opposed to what we actually are — people who don’t know each other’s names and met in a chat room where we both claimed we’d never been before."
Oh wait, that's already been said before.....let's start over


Dear Friends,
Let me explain why I've been twittering my food intake. Well, I'm doing so that I think before eating and also so that I remember to track it and count my points. I'm afraid that it's a bit annoying, but it's really helping me (for the most part) so I'm hoping you all won't mind if I continue to do it.
I also had another idea. I really need to make a habit of planning. I want to start planning at least a week in advanced so that I can be prepared and make good choices. So, I'm going to start posting my meal plans here. I hope you don't mind. You can ignore them if you want, or if you have ideas and thoughts that you think would be helpful I would love all your imput. Realy, I am doing it to keep myself in check and accountable.

Most sincerely and lovingly yours,
Katy

The Ugly Truth

I love carbs. Sometimes it's almost impossible to stop eating them once I start. Tonight I ate 8 corn tortillas.. 6 of them with nothing on them. If I don't portion out things first, I will eat whole bags of pretzels, chips, popcorn...pasta, rice, french fries. Don't even get me started on bread... especially sourdough baguettes.

I truly believe that carbs are what is hindering my weight loss effort... but i can't not have them. It's just not an option for me. So, what do I do? I try to weigh and measure things out first. Then I put them in baggies by serving size and make sure I know what the points are BEFORE I eat them.

So, tonight, after my tortillas...well, I didn't have anything else. But I really want pie. I think there is something else going on though. I mean, between the depression and the insomnia and the cravings... I'm either getting sick, just dealing with depression, or pms'ing. Hopefully I'll pull it together by next week.

The Calm Before the Storm

So, it's end of month at work... which means crazy crazy times. Also, I leave for San Francisco in 3 days, so I'm getting ready to start the pre-trip stress freak out. Tonight it pretty much my last night before crazy Katy kicks in. I was going to try write something fun and sassy tonight, but I think I'm going to chillax out with my book and my lovely new mug... who I've decided to call Nelly (don't ask me why, I don't know). So, I probably won't take the time to set up a blog roll or anything... but I thought I'd give you links to a couple of my favorite cooking blogs... I love cooking blogs...

Smitten Kitchen
The Pioneer Woman-I know I know... you all know about her already, but I'm still linking her.
Heidi Swanson
Simply Recipes-This is the first one I found and my most favorite.

If you make something from them... let me know. :)

I Would Like to Inform You

I have every intention of making this delicios looking creation.

To Mow or Not to Mow

I got to mow the lawn today. It was the first time ever. I know... I'm 30 and I've never mowed the lawn before.

The house in Petaluma didn't have a lawn. Not really anyway. My dad had taken out the front lawn and built a brick wall, filled it in with dirt, and voila... a garden. He took the lawn out of the back out... put in a raised flower bed... and voila... a garden. :) The rest of the yard was a very steep hill.... so basically, no lawn.

When we first moved to Boring, we had a push an electric push mower... and quite frankly, that was a bit too much like work for me to ever try. However, shortly after we moved, the mower broke and my dad bought his version of a tractor... a John Deer riding mower. So, for the last 3ish years, I've been watching him and my mom mow the lawn on the riding mower.. and it looked both fun and intimidating at the same time. So today... as my mom got ready to mow, I asked if I could do it... and she said yes! So, after a quick lesson from my dad, I got on and spent the next hour in a half circling the yard and... dare I say it.. having fun.

Now, for the real reason I wanted to mow... laundry. I HATE laundry. I don't know why. I mean... it's not even something that takes that much work... but for some reason, I just hate doing it. I leave for San Francisco in about five days, and I barely have enough clothes to get through the week, let alone to get me through the weekend. But I can't bring myself to do laundry. I'm now "resting" on the couch watching Confessions of a Shopaholic. I wonder just how long I can procrastinate...

There She Was

I saw her on Tuesday. She was sitting there, alone in a crowd. Her quiet elegance stood out amongst the bright colors surrounding her. I took a double glance at her before getting in line to get my coffee.

She was there on Wednesday also. I tried not to look. Tried to ignore the pull in my heart towards her. I succeeded, but the memory of her lingered in my head throughout the day. I had a Starbucks card, so I knew I would be going the next day. I decided however, that I would go to a different one instead. I'll go Pioneer Square. It's only one stop up. It's a little busier... but I would not face temptation again.

Thursday started out as usual. Get up. Get ready. Race to get the right train. I am a creature of habit. I forgot. We rolled into 5th and Morrison and I departed the train. I walked through the doors of Pioneer Place and approached the glass windows of Starbucks. I stopped in my tracks. There she was. She was alone today. Simple and quiet. A peaceful calm amidst the craziness that is morning at Starbucks. I ordered my latte and tried to keep my eyes averted. As I added my splenda and sprinkled cinnamon on top of the white foam... I tried not to look... tried to ignore her pull. I was unsuccessful. I looked longingly before heading back out the glass doors. I knew it... if she was still there on Friday... I would approach her.

Friday started late. My first thought was to skip Starbucks and just make coffee at work. But I didn't have time to make breakfast and I had $12 left on the gift card. "I should save it," I told myself. I didn't though. I knew i had to go. I had to see if she was there. I approached slowly... afraid she might not be there... that I had missed my chance... but there she. Beautiful and simple. As I got closer I saw... the bright red standing out against the creamy white... my heart raced with excited.. could it really be... YES! She was on clearance... and they had just lowered her price by $2! I took her in my hands and caressed her gently... she was mine.



Yes, I know I'm crazy. But, I love mugs... it's a secret obsession. She makes me happy. I don't know why no one had snatched her up before... maybe it was because her lips weren't perfectly round... but really, isn't that part of life's charms... all the little imperfections make us each unique....